Thursday, September 1, 2016

I AM NOT A "SINGLE MOM"

Yes, I am a mom. Yes, I am single, but I don’t define myself by it. The term “single mom” seems to imply so many things that I am not. I am not broken. I am not lonely. I am not stressed and struggling every single day to make it. I am not bitter. I am not angry or resentful. I am not an emotional wreck. I don’t cry myself to sleep. I am not overwhelmed.

I am, however, grateful. I am grateful that I have become the person that I am today. I am so grateful that I have learned to trust God. I am so grateful that I have become so aware of His hand in my life even during the times when I didn’t know if He really cared. I am thankful that my faith has been tested in a way that only solidified it. I am so grateful for the increase in love for my Savior who provided the Atonement that could bring peace and healing to a broken heart. I am thankful to have experienced the power of forgiveness made possible through that Atonement. I am thankful that I’ve learned to have an understanding heart and be less judgmental as I have come to realize that I don’t know what someone might be dealing with behind closed doors.
I am grateful that I am me again. For so long I lived to make someone else happy who really could never be pleased. I felt responsible for the actions and happiness of someone else. I was so busy living for someone else that I forgot who “Angela” was. Since being a “single mom,” I have remembered who I am and it feels so good to be able to be myself again. I am smart, capable, and worthy of being loved – all things I forgot somewhere during my marriage.
I am grateful that I can be a better mom. I can focus on my kids without carrying around the heavy burden of a broken marriage. That was a load that nearly crushed everything that I am. I have energy and light because I no longer have turmoil draining me from the inside out. I have more patience and can give so much more attention to my children because I’m no longer distracted by problems that use to occupy my heart and mind.
Obviously my life has changed a lot since I was divorced. There are random days that I still mourn the loss of so many dreams. All I ever hoped for in life was to be a good wife and mother; to have a good marriage and raise good kids. I was going to have five or six kids by the time I was 30. Well, that never happened. It sometimes hurts knowing I don’t have the ideal situation for my kids and that I don’t have the “cute little family” in the way that I spent my whole life dreaming about. It stinks to be part of the statistics of divorce even though I still wanted to fight for my marriage. So, sometimes it can be rough, but…
I will not be the victim and I will not label myself or define myself by my current marital status. “Single mom” describes my situation – as in, I am a mom and I am no longer married - but it does not describe me.   

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