Monday, March 9, 2015

How Could I Forget Thee?

At nearly the same time that I hit my low point during the hardest time in my life, I was up watching some TV.  I usually go to bed at 10:00 but I just sat there not feeling motivated to get ready for bed.  The ten o'clock news came on and there was a story about an accident that happened while a family was up at some sand dunes.  They didn't disclose any names or a lot of detail of what had happened.  A few other stories came on and then the weather report started.  I decided I better get to bed.

The next day, I saw hundreds of messages on Facebook offering prayers and support to my friend.  tried to figure out what all these messages were about and somewhere was a link to a news report that shared the story of what I saw on TV the night before.  My stomach instantly dropped.  immediately called someone in my ward to see if everything was alright.  It didn't look good. Their 15 year old daughter was life-flighted to Salt Lake. She passed away not too long after. 

I was sitting on my floor next to my bed in the exact spot I had knelt not too many days before
when I plead for my suffering to be taken from me.  I just started sobbing.  Why? Here was this
family who was perfect.  The parents seemed to have respect and love for each other and their
children were such good kids; smart, kind, and good examples. They taught and lived the gospel. Their daughter Whitney, who had passed away,  was so beautiful and she radiated the light of Christ.  She bore her testimony once in Sacrament Meeting about prayer and her words were so touching. She helped me to remember how powerful prayer is in a time when I needed to hear it.  Why did this happen to them? THEY DID NOT DESERVE THIS!  No one had done anything wrong to cause their hurting. I wished that I could take it from them. This wasn't fair.

 I felt sick to my stomach knowing the pain I had been enduring in my life probably wasn't even a fraction of what they were facing.  I knew I couldn't begin to imagine their suffering. I prayed
and prayed and prayed that they would feel comfort. I didn't know if that was possible when they
had just lost their beautiful girl, but I prayed for it anyway.  I plead that they would feel Jesus
Christ with them.  I hoped that they knew that He had not forsaken them.  Heaven's eye was not
turned when this happened.  They were not forgotten. I hoped they could hear Jesus Christ telling them:

 How Could I Forget Thee?
 When you're graven on my Hands
 Every pain and heartache I understand
 Come to me and rest
 I'll never leave you comfortless
 I've carried your sorrows
 And bourne your grief
 Please trust in me

When I first wrote this song every verse was about horrible tragedies such as a mother losing her child, but I changed the verses because although I can't imagine anything more heart breaking or painful than losing a child, I believe there are different degrees of pain and people feel pain for so many different reasons.  Sometimes it is because of something that wasn't caused by anything or anyone.  Other times, pain comes from our own choices or the choices of others. Sometimes people feel pain just because they don't understand who they really are or what their purpose is. So no matter what is causing our aching, Jesus Christ suffered and atoned for all of it, no matter how big or how small our trials are. 

I have pondered why Jesus Christ still has scars in his hands and his feet if He has been
resurrected.  I have always understood that we won't have scars or blemishes when we are resurrected.  I don't know if there is a doctrinal reason (if there is, someone please teach me), but to me it is because His atonement is infinite.  He didn't just suffer while in the Garden of Gethsemane or while on the cross and that was the end of His mission so He could move on and forget it all. He continually feels our pain and sorrows.  We are imprinted on His hands.  We are continually before Him and He sees and He feels everything that we go through...still! And forever!!! Even though he actually Atoned for our sins and sorrows long ago.

 So, to my amazing friend, Karin, and her husband and all of their family, I know that there are no words that can take away your pain, but I know that Jesus Christ is there even when you can't
feel Him during the moments when  your heartache consumes you. He cannot forget you.  You
are graven on His hands.